ive come to wrap you uptight till its time to bite down

whoa, i havent written in a long time...ok here it goes

im stoned. i moved from missouri like 3 weeks ago, i have come to some conclusions...

1. my sister is a backstabbing bitch...and i havent even known her a WHOLE YEAR.

2.guys pretty much suck.

3.i got a waitressing job & its gooood :D

4.im hella addicted to green tea

5. flight of the conchords is probably one of the greatest shows ever created.

so whoa im way over todd and that situation, im just waiting for the right person now. so, im liking florida, its pretty jazzy, and so far all the people ive met have been pretty awesome, i love living with my dad other than the factc that i have to hide smoking herb from him...and i have a curfew sometimes...something im totally not used to. but im pretty happy here :D

i miss soph soph and jenny and leechi and jamie and everyone else REALLY FUCKING BAD.

im hoping to find some chill as people here like them...i think i already have though :)

"where do i fit in in this jigsaw of our relationship? why should i play the fallguide to your love?

i keep getting snubbed.

WHAT DUMB LUCK

WHAT DUMB LUCK

so rub it in."

my going away party was POPPIN, oh man what a night.

im getting this tattoo on my shoulder, yup its gonna be BADASS

i miss jenny (top & bottom) and jamie (bottom) so hard dude...

well i have things to do ill write soon!

stay right where i can see you

i am SO fucking frustrated. i have been trying to end this little "fued" thing with my ex for i dont even know how long...i am SO SICK of having to avoid him where ever we go because we have the same group of friends and it is just so stupid. so, i get a message from him this morning telling him im feeding him bullshit about wanting to get along...
REWIND:
two nights ago i went to this bonfire party with my friend sophia and a shitload of people i knew were there... i was hella intoxocted and when i was on one side of the house my friend leeroy told me my ex was right on the other side of the house the whole time and you know my initial reaction was freaking out. i freaked out because i haven't seen him since we've been together (because his lame ass didnt have the balls to break up with me in person, but on myspace) and i honestly didnt want to see him. Now, me being intoxicated and all, i totally forgot about the conversation i had with him like 2 days before about how were both over it and arent going to hate eachother...haha. but ok, all i said was "OH MY GOD! HES HERE!? OH MY SHIT...OH MY SHIT...OH MY SHIT....IM NOT READY TO SEE HIM." thats it.

FFWD:
so the message i recieve from him this morning is

"please stop feeding me this tripe and then turning around (for instance, at leroy's bonfire) and bitching about me or asking people "why did you invite that motherfucker?" i thought i saw you there, but you disappeared. i was hoping we could have sat down and talked with each other while there was no bullshit hanging in the air. that was obviously not the case.

i don't know what you are doing, ally, but it's bullshit. don't hang out with the majority of my friends and then ask them why they want me around. don't tell me you want to make amends and then trash-talk me at my friends' houses.

blame it on alcohol if you want, but it's still bullshit."

UM HELLO YOU ASSHOLE....YOU SHOULD CHECK YOUR RESOURCES OUT BEFORE YOU BELIEVE WHAT PEOPLE FEED YOU.
i know who said it...it was jacob...this asshole that hates me and has been trying to destroy me and todd's relationship since fucking day 1.

im over this, im going to be out of this town for good in one fucking week. and i dont have to deal with anymore of this bull shit.
thank god.

so its official.
ill be in florida in a week.
this sucks, i really hate doing the whole moving, leaving people youve made bonds with thing, ive been doing it my whole life...i just want to fucking settle down somewhere. i hope my dad doesnt ALWAYS have this bitchy attitude, i dont know how much of it ill be able to take. im totally feeling like weighing out the negatives and positives right now.
(ill probably add to this ocasionally)

positives: negatives:

+i wont be in Missouri -i wont be able to smoke weed whenever i want
+i wont have to pay rent (which is all the time)
+better shopping centers & stores -id have to do this whole "making new friends" ordeal
+i can start a relationship with my dad finally (which i really hate)
-im going to be on watch all the time
= not much freedom..UGH

i hope to find love when i get there. im ready for love and i want someone so bad, i probably sound incredibly stupid, lame and desperate...but im not. i just want to fall in love.

and the chaos continues

yesterday i got another letter from a man in prison. im so freaked out.
im extremely frustrated today, the fact that i can only use one hand is really starting to bother me.
my dad (adopted dad) who is gay, which i love actually, told me hes coming to pick me up in about a week and a half to move back with him and his partner in florda. i want to do this, but not so soon...my sister is coming back here in three days and i want to spend more time with her than a week...i dont know the next time ill see her.

im financially screwed and still havent even paid jenny for februaury months rent. i dont know what to do! i got fired about two weeks from my full time job for being late! and now i cant work because ive got this fucked up hand...geez.

i had an awesome last nite, sophia came down :D and we had such an awesome time...BUT my ex ended up being there & i havent seen him since we were together. i miss him so much and id do anything to be in his arms again...but thats never going to happen. ive lost my chance. ANYWAY, i guess he was in the room next to me the whole time and i didnt even know and neither did he i guess haha and when my friend told me i flipped out...but i didnt end up running into him so its all good. but god, if only i could turn back time, so i could try to figure out what i did wrong, because i still dont know.

i love to post random pictures whenever i take them, ill probably do this all the time cause i always have my camera with me

true affection

I was out of your league
And you were 20,000 underneath the sea
Waiving affections
You were out of my league
At a distance that I didn't wanna see
Down to the bottom

I wanted a junction and often there was one
You'd surface face first and we'd share our thought bubbles
And I still believe in the phrases that we breathed
But I know the distance isn't fair to cross

I was out of your league
And you were 20,000 underneath the sea
Waiving affections
You were out of my league
At a distance that I didn't wanna see
Wanted you nearer

Your depths made a pressure that punctured my works and all your fluids couldn't tolerate the force of my thirst
I love the place where we shared our tiny grace
But because it's real doesn't mean it's gonna work

I was out of your league
And you were 20,000 underneath the sea
Waiving affections
You were out of my league
At a distance that I didn't wanna see
Wanted you nearer

And true affection floats
True affections sinks like a stone
I never felt so close
I never felt so all alone

I was out of your league
And you were 20,000 underneath the sea
Waiving affections
You were out of my league
At a distance that I didn't wanna see
Wanted you nearer