noah,

i want someone just like you.

i need change, i just dont know what. i want a lover. or maybe just a new friend haha ive been so positive lately and im liking black dice oh so much lately. fucking shit is so good. i need a lucy sesh. i loved my birthday it was so awesome yessss. im thankful for my friends making it so awesome. i love my family for their unconditional love. i love music so much, it can change my body and my mood and perspective. i love coffee for waking me up for the rest of my day. i love mary jane for keeping me sane whenever i am stressed. i love my bike for taking me to and from work.i love my room for being there when i need a plce to be alone and rest my thoughts. i love my kicthen for giving me the ability to make food. i love the sun for providing me with warmth when im cold. i love the ocean for cleaning me and for making me feel so free.

ooh holy shit went and saw four year strong and set your goals last night and that shit was off the wall! i have so many fucking bruises man, i got kicked in the face! it was a fucking sausage fest, dudes everywhere i was like one out of three girls who satyed in the front it was insane!! man i am such a badass, i need me a badass man by my side! im just waiting for that one guy who just catches my attention with our mutual interests blaaah. a dude who will bike with me to the store and dumpster dive. someone humble and strong. hfuoshaflkjashfljas. anyway, you can see me on the top pic in the very front right hand side bottom, got my hand on my head hahah and you can see my pink/blue bracelet along with my silver one in the next one. hahah fucking good time.


so anyway, basia is moving in with me and i am VERY VERY excited about it and oh man, just really pumped. hapiness is raining over me and im so excited about the future! not excited about turning 20. i wanna be a teenager forever, but i guess it just cant be that way. LAME. cmon future, im waiting patiently. shits coming together, FINALLY. where are you soulmate?

catch me im falling down,

this week has been fucking ridiculous, and i am s fed up with guys in general, i want to rip out my eyeballs. more than several have driven me so fucking crazy lately, its quite ridiculous. i just want to get the fuck out of here. im so sick of this spot of the world that i am constantly stuck on. i need a fucking vaaaccatttiiiiiiiiiioonnnn.

you can always take more than nothing

i wish i just wish so bad sometimes that i didnt have to go through this, wish that i wasnt born in the place period and time i was, so none of this would me happening. my mind is so sore, im always thinking too much about everything, and society and existence. its fucking ridiculous. i mean, we hurt and have pain, but why? what makes us actually feel a feeling? how exactly does a consciousness exist? my ricky is going through such a hard time right now, and he doesnt deserve absolutely anything hes been through lately, i dont know why people keep shitting on him, and there is nothing i can do except verbally try to help him. i mean, why is all this happening to HIM? why isnt happening to the person who is the asshole, or rich bitch? i am beginning to think karma doesnt exist. it makes sense why it wouldnt. i think we are just here. weve evolved into these shitty little organisms who are cold and selfish and mean and defensive. ITS SO FUCKING DEPRESSING. there is nothing i can do about the way the world is set up. who the fuck makes all the decisions and why the fuck do i have to go by all these "rules" that should never exist. why does that building have to be right there? shit,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,bckjsjabjba;fb;f;h';f

i know you know you should talk to me. but i dont know WHY YOU WONT. JUST FUCKING DO IT!

last night was alittle fucked up, and right now everything in general is kind of fucked up. i am getting sick of my house, and i need some refreshment in my life, something new, someone who wants to go and explore the ends of the world with me. someone who will just understand what im saying without me having to be apologizing for it be different or whatever. i know travis is this person, but hes not here all that much, i only see him maybe one or two times a week. i really feel like i dont belong in this setting, i know i dont. i jknow what i need to be complete;y happy are some room mates who actually understand me and dont care about the material things in life. ive been considering moving back to missuori for a year to go to school out there. i know i have friends out there that HAVE MY BACK. alot of them at that, people i love absolutely being myself around.

i think i am sinking into a pool of drunken and stoned oblivion. i just dont know how to feel anymore. i mena of course i FEEL but i just like dont wheni should also. i dont feel sympathy for people, i act like i like people i dont even like, i honestly njust dont give a fuck most of the time. i dont know how to put trust in people. im going down. haha

i hate it when people are obsessed with other people.
coffee just might be the greatest idea ever right now....im making some.

another day, another dollar. why cant my life be more exciting?

shit

i just may be making a HUGE mistake.....

FFFUUUUUUUUCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKKK