im so lost.

alone.

betrayed,

whatever.

fuck the human race.

i want to fucking live in space where no humans exist and i dont have to deal with anyones bullshit.

and id just trip on acid all the time in space, and die.

sounds good! lets fucking go right now!

i am so exhausted.

im working every single day because i have 2 jobs, and i have school.

im fucking tired dude.

and today i finally didnt have to work, and alli wanted to do was paint my bike and its fucking raining!

how shitty, haha.

i love my bike, i love to ride my bike, i loooove it!

i just want to move to seattle or portland.

lately if i have time, i go wander off on my bike to like nowhere, and go deep into these forests and take pictures, its the greatest feeling, with the sun on me, its the perfect time of the day where its not too hot, and the breeze of the wind is just perfect.

i want a treehouse, oh happy i would be.

haha im not even mad, im disappointed, and extremely hurt. im escaping without dealing with it, ive been putting it off like i dont care about it, but i know eventually im actually going to have to sit there, and think real hard about it, and its gonna hurt.

fucking people, fucking assholes, everyone is out for one thing...

THEMSELVES.

shit.

what has happened to us, why are we so greedy, and so selfish?

why dont we think before we speak or act?

most of what we do affects someone around us, whether we think about it or not.

so, im going to buy my own island one day, an island of no drama, and no lies.

only devendra banhart is invited.

and travis.

hahaaha, i told travis id be his surrogate mother, because our kids would be the most amazaing babies on the face pf this planet, which is true, it would have superpowers and shit.

but this wont be like till were 30.

oh my flesh and bones.

im tired.

"I'mma do the things

That I wanna do

I ain't got a thing

To prove to you

I'll eat my candy

With the pork and beans

Excuse my manners

If I make a scene

I ain't gonna wear

The clothes that you like

I'm finally dandy

With the me inside

One look in the mirror

And I'm tickled pink

I don't give a hoot

About what you think!!"

anyway, the people i work with at best buy are fucking amazing, and i have met so many awesome people man, im so excited to have the store open and finally be working there, we all built it together, i dont know, im proud of myself.

my father is continiung to be this complete asshole.

whoa, sick of the 13 yr old little girl attitude, seriously.

oh my goodness i forgot how beautiful anthony greens voice is,yeeep.

i guess im done for now.

aliens

holy shit
texas mike and g mike and adam and ihad one of the best conversations i have ever had.

last night mie had this jar FILLED with buds and bud leaves, home grown buds from his uncle, and we smoked that shit and fucking sat on the bed of mikes truck and talked about crazy shit for like 2 hours.
parallel universes and galaxiesandthe fact that we only use like 10% of our brains, and maybe our death is the release, the switch that makes that other 90% of our brain that we dont use actually worthy. it like takes us to a place weve never been and its SO strong that our physical mentality cant even comprehend, but our spirit can.and when we die, the other 90% of our brain is a fantasy with our spirit, thats why theres orbs, little orbs all over the gravesites, its the brain spirits."the brain orbs"
or like maybe when we die, were released in a whole other glaxyliving life as something completely different.but doing the same exact thing over again.
and how there has to be aliens, i mean WERE aliens, to something else.or maybe theres a bunch of assholes with microscopes and high tech magnifying glasses we cant even comprehend, spying on us, laughing at how fucking stupid the human race is.kind of like the end of men in black, where our galaxy was in a marble...
we are grains of sand in a universe of unexplainable eternity.with all this said, i still continue to remember that all this shit that everyone worries about, with their fucking money and drama and fancy shit, and make up and "society" and "ranks".this is why i have become disgusted with everyone, because it seems like only like 3 people i know can comprehend this, and everyone else is just clueless. none of this shit matters, SERIOUSLY.cant wait till i get out of here man, :]
the riddler man, the riddler, some crazy shit.

oh yeah

and i have a new found love for space these past couple months, i cant wait to begin astromoy class.

lovelier girl

i am enjoying the rubys suns and beach house alot lately, such beautiful music...and beirut...oh my gosh, AMAZING.

so...i got two jobs this week, BAM. but i got drug tested for the best buy one and ive had no reponse back, if its not diluted, its going to be negative...cause i smoked the night before.

but, these past few days my stupidity has completely left me..haha i mean idk, i have had no desire to smoke weed, or cigarettes, im working out everyday, looking good, and i am FINALLY happy with myself, i can finally walk in public with confidence and pride. i finally feel beautiful.

two days ago i had the worst birthday of my life so far, it seems like every year, they just get worse, so next year im not even having a birthday..im not going to tell anyone about it, its just going to be another day.

what hurts the most is that my dad knew i was feeling shitty, and he didnt do a thing about it, nothing to help me out, just acted like he didnt give a fuck. awesome. i seriously cried like 7 times because i cant stand hearing everyone in california on the phone wanting me to come back...i want to see my grandparents and my mom so bad. i dont even give a fuck about those so called "friends" i had, haha what a joke. who were those people? stuck up assholes who cant get over themselves and money and drama...get a fucking life! go outside and cherish the beauty of the WORLD, not what money can get you. how sickening, im so glad im outta there, now that ive discovered what true friendships are, and real people, i dont think im going to ever live there again. i want to move to portland or france anyway.

:]