you have my attention

and once again, the story begins and ends.
its a cycle, its all this one big huge ongoing cycle.
and im talking about everything.
i look back at these entries, i havent written in almost four months.
within these four months,
i fell in love.
not like the fall in love i always usually talk about, i REALLY fell in love.
i didnt know feelings like this existed
and i also didnt know pain like this existed.
i cried myself to sleep today.
i have a problem that i cant fix, and its affected my relationships in the past, now and will continue to affect ones in the future.
the most amazing guy in the world found me on september 23.
ever since, i have been floating on a cloud, experiencing a feeling ive never felt before.
i love nash kohlmeyer more than anyone in this world,
losing him would probably be the worst thing that could ever happen to me.
i mean i know this sounds completely ridiculous and corny, but i fall to him when im hurting, now where am i going to go?
i will be completely alone.
all im asking for is love.
im such a fucking IDIOT.
i pushed him away sometimes because i got so scared,
ive been scared my whole life,
people have been leaving me my whole life.
ever since i was born,
i just want someone to stay.
fuck my lifeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
i just want to be a giant weeping willow tree.